How to Help a Mate Who Might Be Suicidal: A Step-By-Step Conversation Guide
- Nathan Bolton
- Dec 19, 2025
- 5 min read
You do not need a psychology degree to help a mate who is struggling. You just need to care enough to show up and hang in there when the conversation gets uncomfortable.
Help a Mate Who Might Be Suicidal
I know how heavy this stuff can feel. I have been on both sides of it. I have been the bloke who was not sure he wanted to be here. I have also been the friend hearing those words from someone I cared about. Neither role is easy.
This guide is here to give you some structure, a few simple lines you can actually use, and some clear next steps. It is not about turning you into a counsellor. It is about helping you be a solid mate in a really tough moment.
***If you or your mate are in immediate danger, call 000 right now. You can also contact Lifeline on 13 11 14 or text 0477 13 11 14.
Step 1: Notice when something is off
Most blokes will not come out and say, “I am suicidal.” What you are more likely to notice are changes in behaviour. So, how exactly do you help a mate who might be suicidal?
Things to look for:
He has gone quiet and pulled away from the group
He stops turning up to work, training or social stuff
He is drinking a lot more or using drugs to cope
He seems on edge all the time, or snaps over small things
He talks like nothing matters, or like people would be better off without him
You will never see every sign. You do not need a checklist. You just need that gut feeling that says, “Something is not right here.” Trust that feeling. It is better to check in and be wrong than stay silent and wish you had done more.
Step 2: Choose the right time and place
Hard conversations are easier when a bloke does not feel trapped or stared at.
Good options:
In the car, looking ahead
On a walk, at the beach, around the block
Sitting side by side, watching the footy or having a coffee
Try to:
Pick a time when you are not both rushing
Put your phone away or on silent
Be ready to really listen
You do not have to make it perfect. You just want to make it easier for him to open up.
Step 3: Open the door with honesty
You do not need a magic sentence. You just need something real.
You could say:
“Mate, I have noticed you have been pretty quiet and you do not seem yourself. How are you really going?”
“I care about you and I am a bit worried. What has been going on?”
“I might have this wrong, but you seem like you are doing it tough. I wanted to check in.”
Speak from your own point of view. Use “I” statements, not blame or judgement.
Step 4: Ask the hard question
If you are worried your mate might be suicidal, it is important to ask directly.
For example: “Sometimes when people feel like this, they think about ending their life. Is that something you have been thinking about?”
A lot of people worry that bringing up suicide will put the idea in someone’s head. The opposite is true. Asking clearly and calmly can be a huge relief and actually lowers risk, because the secret is out in the open.
If he says no, but your gut still says something is off, keep listening and checking in.
If he says yes, try to stay calm. You do not have to fix it in that moment. Your job is to stay with him and help him get the right support.
Step 5: Listen more than you talk
This is the hardest part for a lot of blokes. We want to jump in and fix it.
Right now, your mate mostly needs:
Your full attention
Your patience
Your willingness to sit with his pain without changing the subject
Things that help:
“That sounds really bloody hard.”
“Thanks for trusting me with that.”
“I am glad you told me. You do not have to go through this on your own.”
Things to avoid:
“It could be worse.”
“You should be grateful, you have a good life.”
“Just snap out of it.”
He does not need a motivational speech. He needs to feel heard and not judged.
Step 6: Get support involved
You are not meant to carry this on your own. Once your mate has opened up, talk together about next steps.
You could say:
“I reckon this is bigger than just us. How would you feel about talking to a GP or counsellor?”
“Do you have anyone else you trust, like a partner or family member?”
“Let us call Lifeline together now and hear what they suggest.”
Support options in Australia include:
000 if there is immediate danger
Lifeline 13 11 14, or text 0477 13 11 14
Suicide Call Back Service 1300 659 467
A local GP or mental health professional
If it feels appropriate, you can also suggest working with me once the immediate risk is managed. Some blokes find it easier to talk with someone who has walked a similar path.
Step 7: Do not keep it a secret if safety is at risk
If your mate tells you he has a plan to end his life, or you are seriously worried he might harm himself, you may need to involve someone else, even if he does not like it.
You could say: “I care about you too much to keep this to myself. I need to make sure you are safe.”
That might mean calling 000, contacting a crisis line while you are with him, or talking to someone close to him who can help keep him safe.
Being a good mate does not mean keeping dangerous secrets. It means doing what is needed to help them stay alive.
Step 8: Keep checking in
Recovery rarely happens after one conversation.
Over the next days and weeks:
Send a message: “Thinking of you. How are you going today?”
Invite him to simple stuff, like a walk or a coffee
Ask how appointments are going if he is seeing someone
You do not need to make every catch up deep and meaningful. Just be consistent and real.
Step 9: Look after yourself too
Supporting someone in crisis is heavy. It is normal to feel drained, worried or unsure.
Make sure you:
Talk to someone you trust about how you are going
Get your own support if you need it
Do the basics, like sleep, movement, decent food and time outside
You cannot pour from an empty cup. Looking after yourself helps you keep showing up for your mate in the long run.
You do not have to do this alone
If any of this has brought stuff up for you, or you recognise yourself in your mate’s story, you are not the only one. There is support. There is a way forward.
If there is immediate danger, call 000.
For 24/7 crisis support, contact Lifeline on 13 11 14, or text 0477 13 11 14.
If you want confidential, one on one support from someone who has been through the darkness and come back, you can reach out and work with me directly.
If you are on the edge or need urgent support, you can book an Immediate Assistance call with me. I will ring you within the hour and help you get through this moment.
If you are not in an immediate crisis, but you know you need more than a quick chat with a mate, you can book a private 1:1 session and start a deeper process of healing and recovery.
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